Should I have told a stranger I could see his underwear?

Dear Miss MANNERS: I was getting food from a restaurant when a young lady approached the counter to take her order. She was wearing a lovely white dress.

Unfortunately, her bright, colorful, patterned panties were quite visible through the fabric of the dress.

I wasn’t sure how or if I should approach her to suggest matching skin tone briefs or panties with that dress. Does Miss Manners have any suggestions?

THE GENTLE READER: Since she’s unlikely to have had an extra brief or skin-tone knickers, alerting this young lady to perceived fashion faux pas may not have been welcome. For all you know, this was a deliberate fashion decision on her part.

Miss Manners is all for telling strangers – politely and privately – about wardrobe malfunctions, but in this case, nothing could have been done immediately. It would only cause embarrassment – not only to the young lady, but to you as well, who would have been caught looking at her ass.

Dear Miss MANNERS: My husband and I know an older couple, and the lady often “reminds” me that they are disabled.

I think she’s simply remembering my status to keep her knowledge organized in her mind, but it’s not being kind.

She will insinuate that I spend most of my time sleeping during the day (which I do when I have a migraine). I already feel very guilty about being home on disability while my husband works full time.

Also, the chance of her being angry anytime she interacts with me is over 50%. Her alcoholism makes her forgetful, but she seems stuck in a pattern of publicly highlighting my losses and I don’t want to spend time with her.

I told him that real friends don’t bring up our worries and ailments. Should I just tell him not to call me when he drank that day?

THE GENTLE READER: Or ever, Miss Manners would think.

Those odds above 50% are not in your favor and you don’t have to put up with a friend who insults you.

You don’t have to take his calls. If she asks, you can explain that your schedule has changed and you’re usually not available.

Dear Miss MANNERS: My wonderful partner and I will soon be attending his son’s wedding. This will be the first time he will see a lot of his former in-laws and friends since his divorce a few years ago, when they almost ghosted him.

He’s actually on good terms with his ex-wife now, but he was hurt that most of those in her circle saw him as the bad guy and unceremoniously cut him out of their lives. Therefore, he has no desire to exchange pleasure with them.

There’s a good answer to the inevitable (and bogus) “Hey, how have you been?” or “Nice to see you” greetings these people will give when they see him? Something between an equally fake answer and saying what he really feels?

THE GENTLE READER: “Thank you for coming.” This is not only cordial, but it reminds these guests that your partner is also a de facto host—and should tread lightly on their territory.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email address, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.