4 mistakes that successful parents make, according to a counselor

• Tim Jordan, MD, a counselor who supports young girls, also offers CEOs assistance for parents.
• He said that successful parents are making the mistake of surpassing their children in extracurricular.
• They also exceed their child’s requests for new things, feeling they can’t say no.

This AS-Tald-to essay is based on a transcribed conversation with Tim Jordan, MD, 70, advisor to teenagers from St. Louis. The following were edited for length and clarity.

I have been a counselor for about 30 years. In the last 15 years, my practice has been exclusively for middle schools, high school and girls of university age.

I am married to my 43 -year -old wife. We both started in medical careers, but then we developed our own business, focusing on parents, discussions and weekend withdrawals.

For many years, I worked with YpoA member community for chief directors, creating family events to support members with parents and discuss discussions in their various chapters around the world.

I noticed that the directors are very hungry for parents. Although their business life is established and are quite successful, they are still open to learn more about raising their children.

During my experience meeting chief directors And by helping families through my counseling practice, I noticed some key mistakes that parents make when they raise their children.

1 .. children overloaded in extracurricular activities

Successful parents wish their children are successful. They want to be at the top of their class or at the best football team.

Everything is about the future of their children, as opposed to what their children like.

I once saw a high school in my counseling practice, which was so burned. She was in the cheerful team, so she had to go to practices and games, but she also did a competitive dance, which she really loved. She wanted to give up the increase, but she said that her parents will not leave her because they are worried about how the renunciation will have an impact on her college prospects.

Parents come from a place of fear that their children will stay behind. They want their child to have one foot up. It is a rampant fear in our culture.

I think it is important for children to choose their activities, but to have free time.

I recently talked to another family with a daughter in the sixth grade. He does volleyball and gymnastics, among others. I told her father that something is missing in her list of activities: the game and the stop time. It’s time to do things she enjoys, such as reading or doing art works – not because she will be in her portfolio, but because she likes to draw.

Unattended game It is an excellent way for children to learn, but they have little time for this these days.

2. The attempt to be the motor force of your child’s motivation

When parents push their children, they will ask me, –How do I motivate my daughter? “

I tell them I ask the wrong question. It is not your job to motivate your children. A better question would be: “How do I support my child’s intrinsic motivation?”

A good way to support the motivation of a child is to ask them questions to make them think about why they want to school or why they like football.

Once, my wife and I was talking to a girl who was a gymnast. I asked what he liked about gymnastics. She began to speak, but her father intercepted and told her to show us her trophies.

We could say that her prizes were not what she drove, so I repeated the question. She said her favorite thing was the floor routine. She liked it when all eyes were on her and had fun on people. This was her intrinsic motivation for the love of gymnastics. We get more satisfaction from things if we do for our reasons, instead of thanking others.

Listen to why your child enjoys something and uses this understanding to encourage them. You will not always be there to push and micromanags your children. They have to learn to push themselves, focusing on why they want to do things and how it is significant to them.

3 ..

I discovered that the directors I work with are very worried Whether their children will be spoiled Or if they have ambition. Many of these parents have worked hard, but they are aware that their children do not have to do this because they are born in the influx.

Some even said they were worried flying first class could ruin his child.

My wife and I tell them that it is amazing that their child can receive education through wonderful trips. That will not ruin them, but what will be if you comply immediately every time your child asks for something new.

Rich parents sometimes believe that they should give requests because they can afford, but I encourage the attitude that the money created is theirs, not their children. Children are not entitled to a centimeter of it unless parents offer them.

Give your children to gain things and put a certain skill of perspiration. Will allow them Develop a work ethics.

Once I was with my son, he wanted a new Lego pirate ship. I told him that we are not willing to buy it and that they could use the allowance money. However, it was around $ 75, which shocked him. I encouraged him to climb some leaves and make jobs in the neighborhood if he really wanted it.

4. Don’t share your stories

The children look at their mothers and dads and see the finished product. They see a successful business or a happy marriage, but they did not see the parent as a 12-year-old child who struggles with himself or when a parent did not make the basketball team.

Every entrepreneur I spoke to had at least one Business failure, If not many. Successful parents can show their children that things are not always smooth by sharing stories about failure.

I think parents do not tend to think about sharing their stories with their children. But when a child makes a mistake and is indeed eliminated, sharing a reporting story shows that you know how they feel. Children love to hear stories and connect them to a deeper level with their parents. Makes them feel safe to share things in return.

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