Miss Manners: The teacher offends at the student’s naughty hand

Dear Miss Manners: I am a university professor and woman in the early 30s. I participated in a discussion and I arrived late. The only place to stay was a small sofa, big enough to place two (or maybe three, but it would be a close match).

A male graduate student arrived a few minutes later. He sat down and spread on the couch, putting a back arm behind me. This felt incredibly inappropriate and too familiar -we do not know each other at all, although he knows that I am a teacher because I was part of a session of introduction to his graduate orientation.

I was worried that my authority with my colleagues and students undermined my authority. I glanced at him to explain that I am not comfortable with him, and he pulled his arm short before putting it back.

I ended up whispering suddenly: “Are you bothering you?” He removed his arm then, but I was allowed to think about it and wonder if I could do the more polite point. What would you recommend? Or did I do too much a business from this?

Gentle reader: As your subtle more indications were ignored, a second sharper attempt was justified, Miss Manners were justified.

The combo from this student/Arm-Across-the Chair was naughty and presumptive. Because he did it twice, it is hard to believe that he was unintentional. But even if he were, as a student, he would do well to find out that optics are important, regardless of intent.