Dear Journal: Imagined thoughts of a crime -tourist break

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This week Adrian Humphreys from National Post has published a feature about Canada’s increasing problem with “criminal tourism”.

Every fall, the burglary teams in Chile and Eastern Europe enter Canada on false claims, the police say, then continue to steal as much as they can before the beginning of spring. Teams work mostly in winter to benefit from longer dark hours.

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This happens not only because it is easier to wander the average Canadian house, but because apparently the word has succeeded that the Canadian justice system rarely imposes significant consequences on the caught people.

In Dear Journal, The national satirical re-image post per week in the life of a news producer. This week, Archar Hopper makes a trip to a crime tourist’s thoughts.

Monday

Why do people steal? It is probably one of the oldest philosophical questions of humanity and there are several schools of thought. You have your theory of rational choice; The notion that crime is rooted in a cost-benefit analysis similar to any other financial action. You have the theory of your conflicts, which consider theft as a manifestation of wider class divisions. And there is also the theory of stems; The idea that someone is heading for crime only as an act of despair against the structural barriers imposed by society.

While I overturned the apartment with a bedroom of a widow of immigrants who went to the hospital for a stroke, caused me to think about whether social circumstances have taken me to this or if I just liked to take things from people I don’t know. In the retrospective we had to raise the ashes of the husband all over her bed, but you never know when one of these ballot boxes will hide some gold jewelry.

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Tuesday

When I first entered the tourism activity of crime, I approached it as eleven personal ocean: false IDs, disguises, reemalities. I would even change the addresses every few days so that law enforcement cannot follow my movements.

Oh what a waste of time was everything. Now, I freely charge my checked luggage with Crowbars and Balaclavas, and if the border guard offers me a lip at the airport, just claim asylum.

Wednesday

When we block the financial for the season, it is always important to consider the risk of a meeting with law enforcement. The arrests, although rare, can impose a loss of productivity for up to two weeks. And in the extremely rare case of deportation, we must also consider the incidental costs to obtain another false passport to return to the country if it leads to deportation. Through my hard estimates, a single arrest can be translated into thousands of dollars of lost income.

But, while I never recognized my colleagues, I like the break that an arrest offers: when you broke out four houses a night for two weeks – in deep snow, no less – there is nothing to give back with a hot meal and a good night in the police cells. In addition, whenever it starts inevitably on a curfew as one of the bailing conditions, I always pretend not to understand the English word for “curfew” and we all have a good laugh.

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Thursday

Obviously, we did not go into the robbery for public acclaim, but there are times when we feel that we do not get a sufficient loan for the strictly non-violent nature of our activities. Any OAF can beat a citizen over his head and take his purse. But it takes real abilities to wait until the same elderly participates in the burial of his sister before giving way to her terrace door and steal her wedding ring and military medals.

Before the Canadians would vilifically, I would like them to consider how far we go to avoid violence. One of my personal innovations in this area is to target only the owners of houses with mobility problems; I do not give the green light until I see a walk, a wheelchair or a car on the alley with a handicap banner. It will always have a low risk of an unexpected violent altercation when you can only push one owner of surprised houses.

Friday

It is less than two weeks until the spring clock changes, which means that the sweet end of the crime tourist season is approaching.

People always ask me if this is the last time I will make the trip. But, the truth is told, I really came to love this country. The quiet neighborhoods full of unlocked doors. Peaceful and unarmed citizenship. Canadians are truly the most welcoming and tolerant people I have ever met. I can get in a transit bus at 10 pm, wearing a ski mask and wearing a carcass full of inheritance silver and no one beating them.

My hope is that one day I will be able to steal enough to buy a house here and to enter into a comfortable retirement of leisure shopping, contractual fraud and light money laundering. Ah, the Canadian dream.

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